寫作一直5分!在學(xué)為貴抓住這些扣分原因,哈爾濱的小考鴨穩(wěn)穩(wěn)上7!
關(guān)于寫作,我有“潔癖”,一篇能讓自己滿意的文章需要在很多方面都表現(xiàn)出色,當(dāng)然要追求哪里都沒瑕疵也是不可能的,我們能做到的就是減少出錯(cuò),從許多細(xì)節(jié)上拉分,今天哈爾濱學(xué)為貴寫作老師想跟同學(xué)們分享下,在備考時(shí),我們經(jīng)常忽略的點(diǎn),如果能避免踩這些雷,分?jǐn)?shù)可以得到穩(wěn)妥提高。
首先說下表達(dá)方面,受中式寫作的影響,我們可能很喜歡在寫作上充分表達(dá)自己的“思想深度”,實(shí)際上,規(guī)定式作文的拓展空間本來就非常有限,所以只要把作文按命題要求表達(dá)順暢是關(guān)鍵。
表達(dá)方面可能還不是大硬傷,將自己的語句做到盡量不犯錯(cuò)誤才是不丟分的關(guān)鍵。跟大多數(shù)同學(xué)一樣,我也很希望我的語句能表現(xiàn)力Max,更有亮點(diǎn),但是在在很多時(shí)候,我們一貫的寫作習(xí)慣其實(shí)已經(jīng)將自己的文章拉低了很多檔次,接下來可以來看看幾組比較典型的“很難被發(fā)現(xiàn)”的表達(dá)易犯毛病。
想要養(yǎng)成“潔癖”就需要具體到摳細(xì)節(jié),在細(xì)節(jié)方面我們又該注意什么?來看幾個(gè)例子,我就是一路這樣躺槍過來的。話不多說,直接上例子:
On the one hand, some people believe that playing Olympic games( 不是play games,參加比賽跟舉辦比賽不是一個(gè)意思,所以不要寫錯(cuò)了,寫錯(cuò)了會(huì)算偏題)can cost the funds of government.( 表達(dá)不夠 native,可以改為 some individu-als reckon that government would spend a wealth of money to hold the Olympic games). For example, when the country need ( needs) to host a large sport com-petition, it would build some sport facilities to contain a large number of peoplefrom all of the world ( around the world). It also need( needs to)employ some workers to manage the transport and regulate the rules when companions are playing, which will cost a lot of salaries( salary表示工資,用在這里不好,可以就用 money)
(ps:以上紅色的一片批改和建議出自Alisa老師雅思寫作批改服務(wù))
假如沒有特別指出來,相信大家還不會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn),平時(shí)的一些表達(dá)習(xí)慣和用詞習(xí)慣一段話就都體現(xiàn)得淋漓盡致,有些錯(cuò)誤還很難發(fā)現(xiàn),比如末尾的用詞money。
再來看一個(gè)例子(自己發(fā)現(xiàn)不了的邏輯硬傷)
Those who believe that robots could lead to detrimental effects on society have their solid seasons( reasons). One of the main issues is that the workplace which once need dozens upon dozens of human workers would disappear( 工作場(chǎng)地會(huì)消失嗎?消失的不是工作場(chǎng)地,而應(yīng)該是很多工作會(huì)由機(jī)器人去做吧) as robots that could work efficiently would replace human beings, thus resulting in unemployment and more pressure of job-hunters. Besides, as technology develops, some high-tech robots might one day have their own awareness; therefore, the product which is created by humans is likely to in turn control people and pose a threat to the society.( 這兩個(gè)句子的因果關(guān)系讀不出來,機(jī)器人有意識(shí)為什么結(jié)果是人類自己創(chuàng)造的產(chǎn)品會(huì)控制人們。中間的邏輯鏈差了一步 why) however, as the creators of robots, humans are able to maximize robots' advantages and to avoid the situation described above.
這個(gè)案例來自Emma老師的真實(shí)學(xué)生案例批改,可以看到同樣是犯了一個(gè)蠻嚴(yán)重的錯(cuò)誤,就是邏輯關(guān)系表達(dá)的時(shí)候沒有理清楚,假設(shè)在考場(chǎng)上的話是非常致命的。然而類似機(jī)器人與人類的關(guān)系這樣的話題很多,邏輯關(guān)系有時(shí)候也很難理清,這就需要我們不斷去完善、思考。一個(gè)小細(xì)節(jié)就有可能決定了我們的寫作方向,萬一跑題了,后面就可想而知了。我之前也經(jīng)常犯這個(gè)錯(cuò)誤,經(jīng)過Emma老師給我修改了幾次后,明顯好多改善好多,下筆時(shí)思路也更清晰了。
細(xì)節(jié)決定成敗,咱們今天說到的都是一些平時(shí)備考寫作時(shí)很難被發(fā)現(xiàn)的問題,所以說寫作一定要多修改,多總結(jié),才可以越來越好,質(zhì)量越來越高。(寫作潔癖就是盡量做到不留不該犯的瑕疵)